I Peed My Pants in College

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I used to fear embarrassing stories. In fact, I even kept an embarrassing story handy in case someone ever asked me my most embarrassing moment. I would then whip one out without ever telling them my real most embarrassing moment. Still with me? I’ve since gotten over that, and it came by sharing my humiliations often.

The administrative building at my university was this awkward giant of a structure that conveniently had its bathrooms on every other floor. My meeting with my professor was on that other floor and the combination of the college pizza and coffee diet was working through me. I limped down the flight of stairs to the toilet on the floor below. Of course, in my haste, I didn’t realize the bathroom that good fortune would lead me to was the wheelchair accessible option. In this case, it means lower than typical toilets. Not a problem, right? So I pop a squat and enjoy immediate relief.

As I pulled up my pants I discover the dilemma before me. Angles, trajectory, and a lowered toilet didn’t work in my favor and somehow I had mananged to piss my pants. The back of my pants.

Yes, I pissed on the back of my pants. In college.

Bill Deresiewicz is one of my recent favorite discoveries. He is a writer, thinker, and intellectual (he also emails back!!). In his book A Jane Austen Education he writes that humiliation is the fastest way to grow up. Growing up means making mistakes, and not just making mistakes. He explains you really need to feel them. Embarrasment has taught me something important. It has taught me that your most embarrassing moment isn’t a big deal. Or at least, once shared, no longer maintains such an impending presence in your life.

So, the next time you see me, or the first time you meet me, please feel free to tell me your most embarrassing moment and feel even freer to bring up mine. If I have a new one by then, I’ll be sure to share mine.

20 Responses

  1. This is far from embarrassment in my book because I have the worlds smallest bladder and I have peed my pants several times. Ask all my high school and college friends… It’s kind of a long running joke. “Don’t make Meg laugh or she might wet herself.” As I have grown older my bladder has grown so the problem has ceased, but then again you never know if I’m on a full bladder. Thanks for sharing your most embarrassing moment!

    Hopefully I can keep all my liquids in when we are traveling… Sorry did that just cross the line? 🙂

    Advice I got from my gym teacher when he found out I peed my pants was “those who don’t wet themselves haven’t laughed hard enough!”

    Ha…kind of like that insight. Cheers to embarrassing stories along the way and living life to it’s fullest!

    • Brian Gerald Murphy

      I was in college when Facebook first unrolled groups. My friends and I immediately took to creating comical groups. One friend laughed so hard at a group we created that she peed herself a little. Naturally, we made a group about that too. I think it still exists.

      I’m with you, peeing yourself isn’t all that embarrassing.

      Though, emptying a bladder full of coffee directly onto the back of your pants might be…

      I’m still stewing on what my most embarrassing moment is.

    • Meg, you have made me feel normal! And your teacher is very wise. I’m going to adopt that motto.

  2. When I lived in Austin, my apartment was miles and miles away from the bar scene on Sixth Street. Past where buses or cabs went. So I drove downtown one night, planning to just have a beer and then walk around until I was good to go. Well, I ended up having like four beers and Of course I had to pee like a mother by the time I got to my car and I was too drunk to drive anywhere. (I have a horrible fear of bar bathrooms that nothing can make me overcome.) So obviously, the simple thing to do would be to just, you know, pee behind my car, but it was a pretty high-traffic parking lot with a security guard so… I decided I’d have to pee in my car. But I had nothing to go in.

    Except the lid to a cardboard box.

    I decided I would put the lid in my seat, lower my pants, raise myself up at an appropriate angle, let go in the box, and then non-chalantly take the lid over to the nearest trash can before it soaked through.

    I can not count the number of ways in which that plan went wrong.

    So wrong.

    So. So. Wrong.

    No human witnessed this, but I still can’t look my poor car in the eye…

    • Chase, you tell a good story. I can’t understand how that plan went wrong! 🙂

  3. Apart from anything else, this has to be one of the best titles I have read in a while. 🙂

    I can’t think of any embarrassing things of note, I shall return to contribute if I do. The older I get the less I am bothered about impressions people have of me toppling over my own feet or walking around with my flies unbuttoned. I really just don’t care.

  4. Great line from Meg’s teacher, “those who don’t wet themselves haven’t laughed hard enough!”

  5. Dude, forget peeing your pants, I’ve gotten pissed ON. After a party one night in college I was back in my room sleeping, and woke in a fog to what I thought was the sound of water splashing somewhere. In my haze (probably a few too many beers myself) it took a couple seconds to connect the “splashing water” with the fact that my clothes (which I was apparently sleeping in) were soaking wet. I quickly snapped out of my fog and realized that my drunk roommate was pissing ON ME. I jumped up screaming at him and he was totally sleepwalking, he just walked over to his bed and passed out, unable to be woken up. Needless to say, he was pretty embarrassed when he finally could be woken up, but I was equally embarrassed when word spread by the fact that I got pissed on. A good story to laugh at now though.

    • Russ, strangely I’ve heard of this happening before… I’m happy you got to experience that. I had a friend who accidentally shat a girls bed in college. Yes, that’s a new low.

      • David, this last comment makes me wonder about the concern for public decency when it comes to one’s embarrassing stories.

        We all are bound to have a friend with an embarrassing shit story that is humorous to mention amongst pleasant company. Does the same hold true for first hand encounters?

        My friend Dylan’s shit story has an epic value that when he tells it you’re left in side splitting laughter. It is a tale of a single night that goes from bad to worse, and is heightened by his storytelling style. Not sure if my own is of the same caliber.

  6. I think you will find that peeing ones pants is not so unusual!! Having had 2 kids, there has been impact on my bladder. I remember the first time I jumped on a trampoline after having kids…yeah…peed my pants just from jumping.

    And, since we are often on walkabouts that take us off-road, and not near a bathroom, I have become quite adept at peeing in the woods so I do not pee my pants. Now THAT takes skill to accomplish that without peeing on your pants!

  7. Todd | Channelingmyself

    Hey David,

    Great story, I once peed my pants in the 1st grade. I don’t believe I’ve ever crapped my pants maybe a shart or two. 🙂

    • Ah yes, the mysterious shart. I’ve even heard a story about a blart, but I’ll spare you all on that one.

  8. Chris Richards - Mindnod.com

    I started work very early because of a lift who didn’t like the traffic. I was sat there reading a paper when I had an extremely brown fart.
    Unfortunately the nearest toilets were about 50 yards away. So I waddled all the way down to them. Cleaned up and threw away my undies.
    Luckily it was still early and no one saw but I did have to commando for the rest of the day.

  9. […] lucky enough. That said, there’s a lot of potential for humor here, so please remember to share any embarrassing stories you may have. Even Thomas Edison saw the potential for disaster on this […]

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